For a week now, the media has been going gaga over the ‘SHIRA’ (Shahid Kapoor + Mira Rajput) wedding. Admitting to my honest self, that browses smartphone religiously, this research could easily compound to a thesis.
Most of us, though with the least connection with the Kapoors or the Rajputs, know who convinced the bride to marry the bit older groom, the dig into the past of the pretty lady and the ideal bachelor, the whooping price of the ring, the songs that played in sangeet, who took care of the décor, who blessed whom and where, and who attended or missed the celebrations and why. The open rejection of the bride’s reception attire and the sequence in which guests met the handsome couple has been listed. We are yet to be fed about their honeymoon, their first outing and their many other firsts till the next bachelor/ bachelorette on the block sets to tie the knot.
Are we happy to be fed with all the gossip on this wedding of ‘the rich & famous’ only
or such is our interest in anybody else’s affairs!! Looking through the wedding of the lesser known, when the extreme of your social radius is limited to the distant relative or a friend of a friend.
Firstly I wonder if with all the hip rubrics, my certain neighbour Mr. Kailash married to Sunita Aunty, would be happy to be referred to as ‘Kaisu’ or ‘Tash’!! Can’t say though!
When a wedding is fixed, the top agenda is to inform all the near and dear ones as per hierarchy. In case of a love marriage, everybody is keen on the love story, and in case of an arranged, the background scan done by few relatives is as good as a legal probe. The sudden interest of some in everything you do around, at and after your wedding, kind of bestows a short-lived celebrity status on you.
The wedding arrangements, from invitation cards, venue, food, to décor, which the two families, post series of agreements and disagreements, work hard to put together, gives fodder to numerous opinion polls. All these become a representation of the status and happiness quotient of the families solemnizing it. The sequence of events, number of attendees, adherence to family customs in consideration of not upsetting anyone, and earnest effort to please everyone’s taste buds with the food menu; the list is endless and I am sure the families feel this exhaustion the day they begin the ‘preparations’. Then comes the wedding attire for the couple and the family. The bride now has to get a look for the record likes awaited on Facebook, and groom has to look like the Bollywood star his would-be or his mom dotes over or the classic look that qualifies for ‘married, but not tamed ‘amongst his friends. The parents have to wear what their darling children approve, the unmarried siblings have to look good enough for prospect matches and the married ones good enough to not look really old.
Then at the actual function, start the trivialities of how well or unwell somebody was treated, how apt were the customs, how good bride is for the groom or vice-versa, how appropriate and socially befitting were the dresses and how true the rumours of clashes between the families were.
Isn’t all this a too much pressure on a celebration! Is this what a couple who finally decided to settle down, or the family wedding off their beloved child seek from the people they wish to share their joys with. Does any marriage deserve so much speculation and reviews?
A bride’s fears are a lot graver; how she would settle down with the newly-own family, how hard would be the adjustments and how well could she balance her freedom and their expectations. She wonders if there is room for mistakes or she would be prejudiced against any half met expectation.
A groom-to-be, knows his life will turn a 360 degree or close (and I know many of my male friends, still are non-committal because of this very anxiety). When the marriage asks of him
heightened levels of sensitivity and participation in adjustments which generally isn’t his active domain, his fears do him no good. The home affairs were never his interest, but at wedding time, he is subjected to a TV serial like drama at home.
No Mother-in-law is spared of the fears of losing her importance as told to her by some closed relatives or a father-in-law, who like the man of the house, has an elevated responsibility of keeping things under control.
Amusing it may seem, but the candid photographs are also directed by the photographer as the real moments are scarce to capture or that now the competition of wedding photography is too pressurizing for him to get a perfect shot, than an original one. The pain also continues when a guest determines his importance through the frame space he has been given in wedding album, or footage in wedding video.
The fact is that the small prejudices, that some of the audience of the wedding affair start to inject, and continuous unwanted feedback spoil the charm of the merriment. Why do we concentrate so much on everything else but not the actual ‘wedding’, the genuine happiness that glows on the lovely bride and groom’s face? Or are we somewhere, some tiny way, responsible for the worry on the parents’ face. Why we cannot reciprocate this happiness with same genuineness, as our role in their lives is only limited to wishes of their well-being. Someday, there would be a wedding in our family too, would we then want this debacle to continue? The prayers to the almighty that all should go well are common, nicer would be if we wish the same, even when we aren’t the host.
Why should media contemplate about Shira’s past and present or certain aunty about the bride or why judge sourness of someone’s relations or feed the family with unverified opinions about the new member. The couple weds to celebrate their love, and it definitely is not a competition in family league, least to say.
So next time enjoy the wedding and everything about it, and pick up some handy tips, if observed closely, for your next function on the cards.
And in small defence of the guests, hope no host judges the feelings and fondness of the guests by the gifts they bring (even when you write no gifts and hope for one to feel special), because they rightfully bring what they like for you, not what you expected.
* Not that I am a saint and not participated in such gossips myself, but will definitely try to refrain from doing so again, remembering my day as a bride when I wanted no prejudice!